I lived abroad in Asia for many years while my husband worked for General Motors. I have written about some of the experiences and benefits we derived from living in Singapore, Shanghai, and Seoul.
One sincere bonus of this life was meeting and forging deep friendships with other expatriates who were there for similar reasons we were, usually for a job opportunity.
We have been back to life in the United States for many years, but several of those friendships have endured. This link is vital because it keeps me connected to how other people outside of America live. One of those friendships is with an Israeli woman. My friend is married, has four children, and is an architect. She describes herself as not active in politics.
She and I have exchanged messages since that awful Saturday a few weeks ago. I initially wrote to say I hoped she and her family were safe. The notes I have gotten in return are terrifying. She explained that most Israelis and Palestinians are just trying to live regular lives; however, she expressed there is evil there, and we are witnessing years of tension unleashed in awful ways by terrorists.
My friend isn’t sharing this with me from a position of just an interested observer. Her two sons and husband are conscripted into the army right now. One son is already activated, and her other loved ones are waiting to go.
My friend’s set of worries is chilling; I know this family, these boys, now men, and their father. Her terror is absolute. I feel horribly for her. Yet, disappointingly, when I look around at everyday life here, it is distracting, and her fear is not really relatable. As Americans, we have geographical safety that other countries lack, and yet we argue and bicker with one another about everything and lock into role-playing left and right. One of the branches of our federal government was stalled for two weeks due to a fight over who should be the House of Representatives Speaker, and we all face a looming federal government shutdown if we can’t compromise together on our values for spending priorities.
We are so fortunate to live here in Michigan and the U.S. Yet, we squander much of our good fortune by lazy tunnel thinking and cultural fights over issues like banning young adult books in the schools and the library, whether we think other people should get vaccines or take certain Advanced Placement classes in high school, or whether Taylor Swift is in a real relationship, or a publicity stunt with an NFL player. We will wear ourselves out over issues that are not life-altering if we haven’t already.
Imagine you have all the men in your family, ages 55, 26, and 22, in the army at once, knowing that any fighting could be fierce, urban, and close up. I wish we could refocus by having genuine empathy for the many crises worldwide and gain a more thoughtful perspective into what truly matters, what is and is not life-altering. We have the luxury of having a reset each day when we arise. When you think of the luxury of that reset compared to people in the Middle East or Ukraine, it should be easy to ask ourselves to do better and be more grateful for all we have, or at least to try.
