I’ll admit that I have a long time friend whom I’ve been tempted to cancel. At a recent college reunion we disagreed over current events, and societal problems. Weren’t able to persuade one another to see the other’s perspective – even out of respect for our decades long friendship. I left feeling frustrated and thinking, is it wrong to drop a friend who is at odds with everything I believe?
My experience is still on my mind; and may be reinforced by what I hear about the current cancel culture; a term I hadn’t ever heard of, let alone could identify with even three years ago. The Pew Research Fund, a nonpartisan think tank, recently investigated American’s feelings on the topic by web survey that generated almost 12,000 responses. The research focused on canceling through social media, but it would be accurate to interpret the results by saying as a country we are pretty mixed up by the trend, with Pew publishing are article saying “Where Some See Calls for Accountability, Others See Censorship, Punishment.”
Where do we go with that conflicting brew of emotions? How bad is it for you to start canceling people? It turns out it the effects can be harmful. Some experts who study trauma believe that permanently narrowing our perspectives can ultimately cause us to feel a sense of paranoia, threat and dread, somewhat akin to how victims of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSTD) feel.
When trauma victims process pain they reflexively bat away thoughts that are threatening. That natural coping mechanism for victims of trauma may be mimicked in non-trauma patients who consciously and constantly cancel other’s ideas. Danielle Beauvais, a Northern Michigan mental health expert has seen a lot of trauma in her professional work as a VA psychologist and consultant to the National Center for PTSD. Danielle considered the affects the cancel culture. It turns out that initially people feel good with the reinforcement of their beliefs, but that can eventually exhaust us. “The appeal of finding your path provides similar relief from massively complex issues where real threats seem to be everywhere: dwindling resources, pandemic, etc. We have probably all felt the boost of a chant or slogan at a sporting event, rally, etc. We literally shout over dissenting voices, build teams with it, create culture with it.” However, Beauvais warns “the dangers are similar to PTSD when this becomes a way of life rather than a temporary fix for a wildly overstressed nervous system. The “safe” thoughts are limited. New ideas, questions, experiences are avoided. And it’s not just that we limit our own, as happens in trauma. Other people can use this strategy to keep us in line.”
Having consistently angry reactions to other opinions, canceling other’s beliefs can over time stress your bodies nervous system; tapping your limited resources that should be saved for extreme situations. If you think you might be part this phenomena, what can you do about it? Does your own eco-system allow for a variety of opinions to be expressed? Are people you talk with and listen to respectful of opinions? Can you read the newspaper, or listen to a person on TV or the radio you don’t agree with? If yes, you own natural defense system are keeping you away from being part of the the cancel culture. If not, no matter what your beliefs – liberal or conservative – you are allowing yourself to be eventually be manipulated.
Having a health dose of objectivity about what other people say may be helpful. PSTD expert Beauvais says treatment for trauma includes finding ways to make the short sentences longer and more accurate by reintroduced questions, logic, personal experience, emotional impact.” And not just repeating what you hear someone else say. This is all good advice if you think that you may want to inch back to a place where you can tolerate, or respect the give and take of other opinions. It may not be comfortable at first, but it will be good for you and for others too, me included.
Danielle Beauvais, PsyD in private practice in Traverse City. Former VA psychologist and consultant to the National Center for PTSD
