I saw the movie Barbie when my dad lay dying in hospice. I went because I had promised my daughter, nieces, and sisters-in-law I would join them.
Sitting in The Bay Theater in Suttons Bay at a matinee show, I took this time away from sitting beside my dad. I was anxious about this and wrongly assumed I would be fulfilling an obligation only. I was wrong. A movie about female empowerment brought forth many emotions and memories and helped me process my dear dad’s impending death. You might ask how this is true? It is.
The movie’s end hit my heart with a poignant line, “People die, ideas live forever.” I hope and plan to make this ideal come true.
My dad, Robert Giles, or “Bob” as he liked to be known, is now gone. But I hope his ideas will always be there within me, my children, and the many other people who had the good fortune to know him.
In his profession, my dad was lucky to have experienced many lifetimes by working in the newspaper business. He had a front-row seat to most of our nation’s current events from the 1960s through the 2000s. He witnessed tragedies, interviewed presidents, covered political conventions, mafia wars, subsequent criminal trials, deep racial inequity, and once, on a story, even stood within a few feet of the late Queen Elizabeth II. This close-up jumble of events percolated together to influence him somehow to run news organizations where women and other diverse candidates were considered for jobs, promotions, editorial positions, and managerial roles, just like their white male counterparts. Somehow he had a clear vision of what life should be like—a meritocracy. His foresight means a lot to me.
I never saw my dad waiver after he made a careful decision. He took heat for many of his decisions through the years. Notably, one time was when he agreed to publish the first column on gay rights over 30 years ago. The columnist, Deb Price, eventually wrote almost a thousand columns. This open-mindedness seems almost out of place in our current moment.
Despite having a considered point of view, I don’t recall my dad ever telling us what to do. When asked for advice, he often said, have you considered, or thought of? When I graduated from college, I asked him for career counsel; he replied, “Go out and try and get a job in a field where you can make a difference.” He often returned to that theme; to think through an issue and make a decision that makes a difference. That meant no lazy decisions by default. Be present and make thoughtful choices for the benefit of others and yourself.
In a world full of Kens and Karens, as our common lexicon refers to nagging personalities, be a Bob. I want to end this column where it began with Barbie, not the movie, which was excellent, but from a favorite childhood memory. My dad read the newspaper in the evening when he came home from work. He was seated in a chair holding the newspaper up, and on the outside of the paper, he held a Barbie. Many an evening, I engaged with my dad through a Barbie doll. This line, “People die, ideas live forever,” is at once personal and inspirational. I hope it to be true, and I will always try to live up to this beautiful concept. This is the bittersweet way that life goes on.
